This is my first blog, so please bear with me if I make any newbie mistakes!
On Mother's day, I went to the confirmation mass with my son (making his communion this year) in our local church. In a chuch full to the brim with local people and their relatives I felt so alone. Why? Because the parents of a few children who were making their confirmation had been over in our house a good few times for BBQ's and dinners a couple of years ago with their children and we had recieved no invitaions to join in their celebrations.
I noticed that this seemed to happen more and more as our youngest was at first being diagnosised as Asd and then us recieiving the news last August that he was on the spectum. Inclusion was introducted into the schools in Ireland for children with special needs, but where did it say that you were PC about it but would rather not include the family as a whole into your home or to your child's birthday party.
The isolation hurts in so many ways, oh sure I get some parents asking "So how is poor Roro doing these days?" Well you know what? First of all don't make me feel like we a have a lepper living in our house. Secondly he is my child that I love dearly and has a condition that he will have for the rest of his life. It is a 24/7 job where his parents get no breaks, so if you offered to mind him for a couple of hours, it would be great or even asked if there is something you can do for me. I might answer no but the thought would be appreciated.
Now down to the guilt part in the title. Still down in the dumps coming home from mass, I sat down, closed my eyes and wondered what would I really like for mother's day. The answer that came into my head immediately is the reason for my guilt. My ideal mother's day was a day to myself somewhere far away from my family and the stress and strains of every day life. Then the guilt kicked in, Jesus what a bitch I was being, how could I think like that when I love them so dearly. But God, I am so mentally and physically exhausted right now, I just wanted to be on my own, look in the mirror and go "Hey, I sort of recogonise that person, she used to be a lot more carefree and now look at those wrinkles and the state of her face..so worn out looking. let's do something to ease away that stress" However standing in fron of my own mirror at home would have resulted in two possabilities. 1) the banging on the door 'Mum are you in there' or 'Are talking to yourself again!' from DH.
Anyway since this is my first blog I won't go on any further I just wish that people understood what it is like to live with special needs, we don't need your pity, we need your compassion, empathy, kindness and support.
Take care for now
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